- July 20th, 2006
It's been a long, long day. Maybe it's PMS, but i'm feeling so nostalgic. And I'm finally saying my goodbyes.
Goodbye to High School. I'm so happy we graduated, but my brain registers that we're going back. "It's not over, it's just summer vacation." And I somewhat ignored that part of my brain for the past month, but i have now fully come to the realizations that it is in fact over forever, and I will never do those things again. No more dancing in spanish class, no more joking around in theater arts.. no more mr. murphy podium surfing, no more lunch or gym. I'm not sad, I'm just saying goodbye. My four years there were, overall, great. I complained about classes, every teenager does, but I took some truly amazing classes there. Overall, I don't think the past four years of my life could have been better in any way, and I would not change a thing if i could. Goodbye, Triton, and thank you for my life.
Goodbye to Pop. Tonight we had dinner at the Plaza, and everytime i saw a trump security guard, i teared up, because I remember pop coming home in his uniform, and I remember all of the men that came to his viewing in that uniform. Oh, how I cried at his viewing when i saw the men in uniform. That too has become real. Poppy is gone. He's in our hearts, and since i kept telling myself that, I felt like he was still with us. I will always love him, and he will always be the only man I have ever completely trusted. But the time has come to say goodbye. He is not coming back, he's gone. This goodbye makes me sad, but its in a bittersweet way. i'm not grief-stricken, i'm not depressed, or laying down and quitting my life. I'm ok. And he knew i would be. He knew I'm strong. So, goodbye Pop. Thank you for your love, for believing in me, and for making Grandmom behave. I love and miss you.
Goodbye to childhood. I always said that I would never grow up, and a part of me will always be a kid. But sometime this year when i wasn't looking, I did grow up. I finally feel completely responsible for my actions. This goodbye makes me happy. Goodbye, childhood. Thank you for being awesome. and thank you for the memories.
Goodbye to my friends. Most of them are staying home next year. I thought, a few times today, 'why didnt i just go to ccc? I could have stayed with my friends.' But Eventually that goodbye had to come, and I'm ready to say goodbye. Not forever.. But, its more like im saying goodbye to seeing my friends everyday. SO, goodbye. steady friendship. i hope you're strong enough to last. Thank you to the amazing people who have been in my life, who have made me who I am today, and thank you for all of the fun, amazing, memorable nights we spent soing nothing and having the time of our lives.
Goodbye to my normal life. Goodbye to living at home. Goodbye to that safety net I always felt knowing that my parents would take care of me, Goodbye to working at Heaven Scent custard and water ice. Goodbye Phily Diner, late nights at the park, and bowling. Goodbye to my bed, closet, window, carpet, the place i've called home. Goodbye to watching my siblings grow and discover new things. GOodbye money, cause I'll sure be spending a lot of it over the next four years. Goodbye to having girls' nights, swimming in my pool with friends, sleepovers, regularity.
I know that I'm not dying, and that we still have a month before we have to say goodbye to most of these things, but now i'm ready. Until this moment, I had doubt. But i've said my goodbyes, and i feel really good now that this is off of my chest. I will be with my friends over the next month, I will be living in my bellmawr house, working at my job. But essentially, I have said goodbye. I'm ready to move on. I'm just waiting for it to move on.